inexpressible affection

feelings do not come from anywhere;
actions are not done for any reason;
affections are not expressed in common.

i trust my intuition,
hence i believe my judgment;

when the daydream stops,
the reverie ends,
the fantasy stagnates;

we are ourselves in front of others,
i might be no one,
but you are still that someone.

!3w

猜不透

歌手: 丁噹
詞: 黃婷
曲: 林邁可
編曲: 林邁可

猜不透
你最近時好時壞的沉默
我也不想去追問太多
讓試探為彼此的心 上了鎖
猜不透
相處會比分開還寂寞
兩個人都只是得過且過
無法感受每次觸摸 是真的 是熱的

如果忽遠忽近的灑脫
是你要的自由
那我寧願回到一個人生活
如果忽冷忽熱的溫柔
是你的藉口
那我寧願對你從沒認真過

猜不透
相處會比分開還寂寞
兩個人都只是得過且過
無法感受每次觸摸 是真的 是熱的

如果忽遠忽近的灑脫
是你要的自由
那我寧願回到一個人生活
如果忽冷忽熱的溫柔
是你的藉口
那我寧願對你從沒認真過

如果忽遠忽近的灑脫
是你要的自由
那我寧願回到一個人生活
如果忽冷忽熱的溫柔
是你的藉口
那我寧願對你從沒認真過

到底這感覺誰對誰錯
我已不想追究
越是在乎的人越是
猜不透

珠光寶氣the gem of life

人世間真善美恆久長存，奈何利慾薰心讓人把她遺忘，致使她如同鑽石般矜貴難得。以珠寶世界、上流社會為舞台，以鑽石比喻人生，琢磨出康氏三姊妹的非一般的人生……









感言:
這齣長達80集的台慶劇[珠光寶氣]正在熱播當中(12/1為第30集)!! 兩個字說完,讚啦!! 大卡司, 大製作, 大珠寶!! 真的很好看啊.. :D
i got all the files!! so who ever wants to watch this drama just drop me a comment or msg as i'm not hesitate to share! :D and must support gigi lai's last tvb drama!


adapted from: http://drama.tvb.com/thegemoflife/

high sch life - the quintessence

alpha 06/07 hehe! *edited by yen*


alphians 06/07, do u all miss this classroom? we spent two yrs here to build up our eternal camaraderie!! we kept quiet when teachers asked questions; clamored when teachers were out; played big2 even when teachers were in; cooperated when class competitions were held; infinite sweet memories were created here temporarily but were stored in the heart of each and everyone of us permanently!


chemistry lab: weihan, mic, francisW, yao, and mei!! heehe~~ buddies buddies~~


yo~!august,ash,mei,yen and josh posed after taking photos for sch mag '06! sweet sweet sweet!! 'sot' august with his 'weapon'. =D


ash!! erkh hem~ur arm..! luckily tht time u&meilin hadn't started. =P enjoying d masterpiece by kuicheng,albert,francis,siangleng,and wanning--the Babylon model. COOL!


haha!alphians06/07, could u all still rmr this temporary moral teacher? =D i cant even rmr her name! =P


ah yen, daniel, albert, and ah mei!!! we were form4 during tht time!! =D


christmas eve party at Je's house! hehehe!! unforgettable because i got kuicheng's ferrero rochelle!! =D jk la, mainly because we really had lots of fun tht night. eg. (see the next photo!)


haha! playing big2 with yen,ash,and lex!!did u see my gift? *wakaka*


prefects' dinner 2007. hehe. this is blur and dark; but this is also the most i can come out with photoshop cs2. :D


yoyo! mdm lee ngia sing, the form teacher of 5alpha'07 is posing with me, and my graduation cert! arigato ne~


lin hsin,kui cheng,siok ying,mdm lee ngia sing,ahyen,ah mei,ilmy; =D


yea yea, the last but not complete class photo of 5alpha'07 after the closing of graduation day. i miss u all so much.


damai trip!! we really had fun on BED and FLOOR!! dont believe? ask any of us whether playing uno&big2 and truth/dare exciting or not? =D

deepavali 2008 @ myElephant

this man is selling his face at myElephant. he's the most important man(after my dad) in my family oh! =D where am i???!! camerawoman lar.. =P

lose is more pain than is the pain it loses

date: 30th oct (thursday)
time: 0845
venue: intec/akasia/intec bus

i wish i didn't leave it simply anywhere but hold it tight in my hand; i wish i could concede with bro and give him the cell phone case he favored so much; i wish the bus driver didn't cheat me that he didn't see my phn; i wish i could get my phone back!!!!!!!!!!!!! :"(

i lost it, a normal,not-so-expensive,and flip nokia 6101; upset and depressed, i'm deeply hurt. it is not because of the 'phone' apparently but the meaning and contents beyond! i'm so sorrow, so regretful of my carelessness!

everything has been too late!! i hate my neglectfulness; i demolished the most valuable hard copy of my recent memory; i spoiled the mood of everyone in fargo; i ended my fall semester with a great sorrow; i'm sorry to nobody but myself!!!

few months back, i didn't want to use my new LG K510 but rather opt for my accustomed nokia 6101. why??!! why??!! it's because i didn't wan to abandon a tool i used along this time to keep my secrets with!! i repent i didn't do what i wanted to prior this for i thought i still have plenty of time to back up the contents!! but the fact is now it has lost!! totally vanished and disappeared! And will nvr ever appear in front of me anymore!!no longer!! ="(

last Sunday =D

well, it's always fun to spend ur time with someone u care and love.6 of us, 5 elderly, 1 kid, we went to SS3 for dim sum. inside the waja, there's only one word to describe-Squeezed!!!! someone needs to put down weight and someone needs to put on; i "guess" i'm the former(indeed), so as ah huat(absolutely). ah ny of coz the later lar.can u imagine her,a 170cm-tall,45kg-heavy-LADY putting down weight?mild zephyr is enough to blow her away.=D


yea, this is the situation inside the car. we're snapping using tht so called "ENG-TAO-KIA"'s new cellphone(K850i nia mar =P)


oh yes, this is a pic of two suku kia.we hate showy and unnatural posing so we decided to snap with our real personality- "KI SIAO" (u'll knw wad it is if u knw hokkien) "nice", isn't it? i shouldn't say "yes" when he requested. =.="


OwH yeAh. this is my darling, and tht's my hand　"flirting" him. :D stop asking me, "huh? ah mei! i thought u're afraid of cat, aren't u?" no longer i am, okay? anyway,it's a good sign.hEhE =P


okok, here goes a "cute" video. pls note the high-pitch "god".=D it's actually a very 'fei' but memorable video. wish i can shoot more; more sounds; more ppl..=> anyway, the cameraman(E-T-K) is ineligible for professional shooting task; the camera(K850i) is even worse, totally disqualified for any video recording. the video clip looks good only in the phone but sucks in the pc¬ebook.

“Brad Pitt”

“Mei San, something happened to our son,” said the father of Brad Pitt, Adib, with a nervous look. “Huh? You mean, Brad Pitt? What’s wrong with him? Or it?” asked me incredulously. “It’s cracked. I mean… it’s just a minor one… I’ll try to do something to it when I go back to Cendana. Probably someone has hurt it when it was put under Khairil’s desk,” quickly explained the father of the son, who, obviously, is worried. “Oh, since it’s cracked, we can’t do anything, can we?” asked me spontaneously, not even considering the consequences we might get for neglecting Brad Pitt’s safety and letting it hurt. Despite of the real identity, he, or it, anyway, is the son of Adib and me. Why am I so disregardful of Brad Pitt? Is it because of it’s simply an egg or because of the weak bonding between Adib and I? If the former is true, I’m still forgivable; but if the latter is exact, I’m then understood of the importance of loving someone imperfect perfectly before deciding of upgrading the love into an eternal responsibility-a new life-a baby.

Love is not about looking for someone perfect, it’s about looking at someone imperfect perfectly. Renowned for no one is perfect in this world, if I’m still blindly looking for a perfect lover who has charming look, shapely body, enormous abilities, noble background, and so forth, I’m actually searching for needle in haystack. Similarly, Adib is not a perfect guy; neither is he my ideal prince. I never think of having him as my life partner, but without any expectation, we are paired and awarded a son! Under the condition where I don’t love him (not at all), not even to say perfectly, I have no idea how to squeeze out mother's love and caring to Brad Pitt. Should I compare my situation to a pair of one-night-stand couples who accidentally got a baby afterward and decided to give the baby a chance of seeing this human world due to the remorse of sin if the chance is unlawfully plundered?

Reproduction, a process of generating offspring, which is to ensure the continuity and expansion of human species in order to know God, has been belittled by many people nowadays as an accident of the fulfillment of their sensual needs after a sexual activity, commonly known as “one-night-stand”. These people, although practice safe sex by using contraceptive tools such as condom, are unavoidable of “surprises” like getting sex diseases and pregnancy, and are reproachful of their behavior(ONS) especially for those who are not married. Likewise, I’ve learned a profound lesson from the cracking of Brad Pitt: even though I’m not readied and never expected to be taking care of him (or it), since in reality he (or it) does really exist, it’s my responsibility to make sure he’s well-conditioned and being taken a good care of. If otherwise, I’m guilty and sinful of the miscarriage of responsibility, and am identical to the one-night-stand patrons.

How noble and wise Brad Pitt is in waking me up of humanity’s two most significant senses: love someone imperfect perfectly and responsible of the sexual activity before marriage, disregard how attractive the person is, how unconscious I am, and how drunken we are. I hope it’s never too late to be awakened, though.

shah alam-genting klang-ahyen-ara damansara; SWT!!

Finally, another Friday which symbolizes the excitement of rushing home and escaping from hostel, comes. As usual, Divwya, Khairil, and I, who can’t wait for Ms. Zuiraida to end her lesson, keeping an eye at the watch, hoping “11.00a.m.” comes faster. However, Khairil rebels us today. He has gone at 10am because he buys the 10.30a.m ticket. So once Ms Zuraida says, “Ok, that’s all for today, you may leave now,” I am rushing after Divywa and Farah because it seems to rain(actually is me who doesn’t want to procrastinate, even a second on Friday). Luckily, we manage to get a cab very quickly in this busy Friday afternoon. The cab driver seems to be understandable, he drives very quickly (but safely) to send us back to Akasia less than 3 minutes. I guess he knows I’m rushing, probably from my conspicuous impatient facial expression. After waving at the two of them in front of the gate, I rush straight to 5/205 to get my “baju kurung” changed and my packing readied, and then I am out again to get another cab to KTM. My destination for today isn’t Subang Jaya but KL Sentral because I have a "mission", which is to meet ahyen at Bank Simpanan Nasional to get the Yayasan Sarawak Incentive thing settled. The delay in reaching Ara Damansara doesn’t affect much because it's recoverable with the 500 bucks from BSN.

The KTM reaches on time, just few minutes after I reach Shah Alam station (or should I say I’ve fully conquered Friday's schedule due to the helpless and heedless waiting experiences? Absolutely, I am.) Doing nothing inside the KTM for 40 minutes will be killing me. Hence I start flipping through the half-way-read “Size 14 is not fat either”. I enjoy reading the novel so much as I find the storyline is getting more and more interesting as well as Mag Cabot’s style of writing. Without notice, I’m reaching KL Sentral. Only then I realize the brothers and sisters around me are still doing nothing since the KTM departs from Shah Alam Station. I guess I’ll never understand their views on boredom where I don’t find anything attracting outside the windows which they have been “appreciating” throughout this 40 minutes.

Getting me a touch n go is the ever best purchase since I came to KL especially when it comes to taking public transportations. I touch the card through the scanner and across the border very quickly, acting like a typical Lumpurian. Sometimes I even find myself getting closer to it due to my workaholic characteristic. I do the same thing when I arrive at LRT transit. So, I manage to squeeze into a train just few seconds before its door closes. I can’t find a seat but am eyeing at one every time it announces the arrival of next station. And lucky me, I get to sit down and continue catching up the page at where I stop just now.

Time really flies when your mind isn’t abandoned. I reach Wangsa Maju Station, as estimated, within 20 minutes. This is one thing good about LRT, always on time and frequent; most importantly, it accepts touch n go at all the lines, unlike KTM. I get a cab and toward Genting Klang without further delay because even though ahyen will forgive my procrastination, my stomach is already started to grumble. When everything seems to go as smoothly as I think (where I reach all the destinations on time and an additional 500 bucks is filling my purse very soon), I am so disappointed to look at the ‘closed’ sign at BSN’s entrance. With a long gun under his arm, the security guard affirms that the bank has really closed until 2.30pm. ("2.30pm"?! It's only 1p.m now!) All my excitement and anticipation fly away and my mood alters. It’s getting worse when I try to call ahyen to tell her about her wrong confirmation on that branch’s working time but she doesn’t answer any of the ten calls made!

Finally, she takes up the call but that is when I am looking her walking in different direction towards the bank after coming down from the bus. Her misdirection is forgivable but her ignorance of my previous calls isn’t. I blame her at the first spot we meet but I regret so much afterwards because it’s just a small matter of the disoperation of the bank which she has never expected too. I have not been meeting her for two weeks yet I’m here scolding her misjudgment down the street. Who am I to do this? I am responsible to it too, aren't me? When she doesn’t feel annoyed of my blaming but keeps quiet after all, I become guiltier. She’s my sister, where has my piety gone? Maybe this is something good with twins; we get along as usual very quickly and then go to Pizza Hut for lunch. However, I believe it’s the hunger which helps eliminate our unhappiness and build cooperation in seeking for food.

While waiting for the bank to reopen and for our meals to be served, we are chit-chatting over what we’ve done on the past few days. Although it’s just one week time, we have so many to talk on: our homework, stress, college mates, and also some craps. This has been a habit accustomed since we’re young, she’s my best friend and I’m hers. There’s nothing we can’t talk on, even to point out my dislike over her colorful dress and exaggerated facial expression. When the meals, two glasses of Pepsi, two bowls of mushroom soup, one small loaf of garlic bread, one plate of Aromatic Thai Spaghetti, and one small pan of Chicken Pizza, are finally served, we then get our tongues rested and our jaws and teeth operated to enjoy the repast in front. Dispersing cheese powder over the spaghetti, the pizza, the soup, and almost everything on the table, and then dipping the garlic bread into the soup, turning the fork on the spaghetti, cutting the pizza into pieces, getting the straw readied, and lastly sending them one by one into the mouth, I find myself situated in paradise, Pizza Hut’s are just too delicious to be tasted. I’ll probably say the same thing to McDonalds’ and KFC’s the next time they serve on time when I’m hungry.

After one and a half hour of sojourn at Pizza Hut, we walk over to BSN excitedly thinking of the 500 bucks each of us will get later. However, there's always a ‘however’ when I’m expecting something out of expect, we're totally mistaken of the changing system from Premium to Cash which actually takes 45 days to be effective! It means we’re getting our money only after 45 days after today! I’m so stunned and disappointed at the moment thinking of my whole day rushing from Shah Alam to Genting Klang just to get the money but it turns out nothing in return! The worst is I have only 5 bucks left in my purse and my twin’s the one who pays for the meal just now. Mournfully, the two of us signed on the premium and are forced to wait for another 45 days to claim our cash, and then step out of the bank to get a cab opposite the road. I’m heading towards LRT Station but she’s going back home, not following me back to Ara Damansara today because she has an appointment and a test coming up.

Signaling to left, the cab stops by the LRT Station. Unwillingly, I wave to her and then get down from the cab. I can barely see nostalgia on her face because she’s so good in covering her emotion off her face. Sigh. That’s our only meet for this weekend, how short, how pitiful, how prestigious. A quote from Elbert Hubbard comes straight into my mind while walking up the escalator and looking at her leaving, “No matter what you’ve done for yourself or humanity, if you can’t look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?”